You know that feeling at the top of your stomach? The one that feels like you are being repeatedly punched on the inside. As if the last thing you ate is really pissed about being digested and thought it would Bruce Lee its way out the way it came in. That's what I am feeling. Everything else is growing from that one central hub of physical pain. Dulled vision, throbbing head, general confusion. Things that make you really wonder if life isn't just some cruel Markov process, where the constant is pain.
Now, I am no pessimist. In fact, my friends have described me as the opposite. I am passionate, lovable, funny, lazy, erratic, witty, etc. I am a lot of things, but negative is not one of them. So when I feel like this, I feel contrary to me. I feel as if I am wrong and the things causing this pain are wrong. And then I start to wonder, how can emotional pain, which is ephemeral at best, cause so much physical pain? Sure, I know the mind/body connection is powerful, but why the fuck does it have to be that way? I can't take an Advil for this. I can't apply a tourniquet. All I can do is bleed out and hope it doesn't take too long.
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