Something's gotta give

"I'm just a soul who's intentions are good. . . Oh lord, please don't let me be misunderstood." 

I feel like something bad is about to happen.  No real reason.  Just a underlying sense of anxiety.  Not the sort of anxiety I feel when I have a panic attack, but when I am aware of impending danger.  Maybe it's because the Mayan calendar is coming to an end.  I know that makes a lot of other crazies nervous.  But seriously, it is a strange feeling.  Impending doom.  I imagine it has something to do with the last two weeks, my conscious unrelenting effort to manually heal my broken heart and move forward to the rest of my life.  Not because I wanted to, but because I needed to.  Perhaps that is the doom I'm feeling.  The fear that something as pure as what I felt is dying.  Fear that I won't have that feeling again. 

Still, I prefer this feeling to the heart-wrenching sadness that was filling every cell in my body last week.  When you give yourself to someone and they ask you to take it away, it is as if you have to kill that part of yourself to move on.  Otherwise it clings to that connection, regardless of the lack of hope.   Maybe love isn't blind.  It's blind deaf and dumb.  Not that it is bad.  It fills one with amazement, happiness, comfort, hope, compassion, and many other positive words I can't think of.  But it can be an unwieldy appendage.  It seems, however, that with practice I have become a little more adept and can almost control this golem.  Which is good, because if I have to keep doing this over and over without some improvement, I am going to look like I am 50 when I am 30.