I don't know what it is, but I sure don't feel that I am making progress. I've never really been a baby steps kind of person. I like to take things off in chunks. I like to see progress. Identify it. Analyze it. And most importantly, understand it. As of now, I have no idea what is going on. I know that I can wake up and not feel depressed. I know that I don't feel the urge to cry constantly. I know that I have accepted how things are and for the most part realize that I can not change anything except for myself. It's so obvious but very hard to fully believe. There is always a part of me that wants to say that I can influence others. Not the case.
So today, I am working on living to make me a better person. Nothing else really. I am focusing on work, exercise, some studying and then the remainder is me time. I have let myself grow stagnant and it has made me an unhappy person. It has also, I believe, destroyed part of the foundation for the best relationship I have had in my life. The only thing I can take from that is the lesson to not have it happen again. A happier me = a happier everyone. Now, the hard part is enacting this change, because as I have mentioned, I don't like baby steps. I have lost 15 lbs in the last 10 days but I feel like that is nothing since I still have a little belly. I have been running every day and last time I played soccer I had more energy that I have had in years. But I didn't hoist the team on my shoulders and carry home the victory. I need to sit back and learn to be happy with the little victories and not expect myself to be transformed overnight.
Also, I took a GRE practice test and that was depressing. Apparently I don't remember how to do math. I went through and got all the questions right, but it took twice as long as it should have and most of the time I had to use process of elimination. I have no idea how to solve for X anymore. Graahhhh!! Why do I need math if I want to go to graduate school for English? Lame.
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